


Untitled

by barracuddle



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, achilles is a major dork, back off pls, deidameia - Freeform, pat loves his pizza, sassy! Patroclus, so is pat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 17:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9335552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barracuddle/pseuds/barracuddle
Summary: Deidamea is the new girl who gets a lovey dovey at the sight of Achilles. Achilles and Patroclus are giant memes, Briseis doesn't get payed enough.





	

**Author's Note:**

> stupid one shot filled with barely there humor, achilles and patroclus being weirdos, and deidamea wanting to suck achilles' face off

Achilles, Patroclus, and Briseis were walking down the hallway, heading home after a long day of school, chattering about this and that when a girl barreled into the trio. The group looked at her. She was pretty, light-skinned with twinkly caramel colored eyes and frizzy brown hair. Her eyes were focused intently on Achilles, but Briseis acknowledged her.

"Deidamia! Guys, this is Deidamia, she's new to the school. I showed her around. I forgot to mention but I invited her to hang out with us, is that cool?" Briseis looked worried, as if the two boys would object. Achilles and Patroclus saw no problem with the Deidamia. Patroclus smiled kindly at Deidamia.

"Hey, I’m Patroclus, and this ray of sunshine over here is Achilles, star quarterback, track star, and all as student." Patroclus snickers at the glare on Achilles’ face. He ignores his best friend.

"Deidamia, nice to meet you," Achilles says sweetly, holding out his hand like the gentleman he was. Patroclus rolled his eyes. Deidamia looked like she was hanging onto every word Achilles says. Patroclus wasn't even surprised. Everyone was susceptible to Achilles’ beauty; well, except Bresis, but Briseis wasn't normal either. Patroclus was happy to be sidekick in the trio.

"Achilles..." Deidamia all but swooned, grabbing Achilles’ hand like it would purge her from all her sin. Achilles flickered his eyes to Patroclus', eyes shining with barely veiled humor. Patroclus watched as the gold swam in the green seas of Achilles’ eyes.

"Well, where too," Patroclus all too loudly, clasping his hands and looking at Bresis. Achilles snickered.

"I have pizza at home and Netflix," Briseis offered and Patroclus almost drooled at the word "pizza". His eyes sparked with happiness.

"I wish he'd look like that when he thought of me," Achilles sighs loudly and dramatically. Patroclus punched Achilles in the arm, "Hmm, sure you do." Deidamia was quiet next to him.

-

Briseis’ home was empty when they entered. Her parents were at work and her brother was still at school. Briseis whooped and walked toward the kitchen. Patroclus was on her heels, the thought of the cheesy goodness setting his tummy a rumble. Achilles was left with Deidamia. He looked at her a smiled brightly.

"So, how do you like Med Base?" Achilles asks. He walked toward the living room and Deidamia followed close behind.

"There’s a lot of drama compared to my other school. But, everyone is really nice, especially you," Deidamia compliments. Achilles smirks.

"Yep, that's Med Base. We all hate each other but we're the best family," Achilles laughs, and Deidamia blushed at the sound.

"The teachers are ruthless though," Deidamia notes, thinking back to the school day. They were very strict and wouldn't take any nonsense.

Achilles nodded solemnly, "Gah, they're the worst. I swear they love messing with our lives to much. The amount of times Mr. Apollo tries to boot me off the football team has honestly taken a few years off my life. He hates me and Pat so much." and then his face gets all soft and caring.

"I don't know how anyone can hate Pat," he says quietly, before smiling quietly. Before Deidamia could respond, they hear a loud keening noise from the kitchen. Patroclus runs in the living room, eyes stormy as he gives a giant huff and falls next to Achilles.

"What’s got you all bent out of shape?" Achilles asks, mildly concerned over Patroclus' sudden mood change. Patroclus sighed dramatically, holding a hand to his forehead, "oh, the pizza is goneeeee. It’s been eaten!" Patroclus groans and Achilles snickers.

"I'm still here," Achilles teases and Patroclus rolls his eyes, "Sorry, Achilles, but my true love will always be pizza." Achilles’ face twists in faux hurt, "oh, but Pat," Achilles whines.

"It’s okay, I'm here for you," Deidamia says, joining the ridiculous conversation. But, she was terribly serious. She grabbed Achilles by the arm and looked at him with kaleidoscope eyes and Achilles makes a noise of discomfort. Deidamia ignores it.

"Ah, thanks, Deidamia," Achilles says awkwardly. He looks back at Patroclus, who's laughing with his eyes.

Briseis returns then, a pleased smirk on her face. "I just ordered the pizza for the butt hurt over here." and then she jabs her thumb to Patroclus. He sticks his tongue out in retaliation.

"So, Netflix," Briseis says, and grabs her Xbox controller, opening up the app.

Patroclus suggests "it's an the Office type of day," while Achilles argued, saying "Parks and Rec was way way way better." Briseis didn't mind either so they turned to Deidamia to ask for her input. She grinned razors at Patroclus before loudly exclaiming parks and rec was far superior.

Patroclus gaped. Achilles grinned brightly, looking at Deidamia like she was a god send. Her heart fluttered like a butterfly.

So, Briseis found parks and rec and, thankfully, they all agreed on the best season, so there was no fight there.  

They settled in for the day, Briseis on the recliner and Patroclus, Achilles and Deidamia on the couch.

-

The pizza was from pizza planet, and was amazing. Patroclus moaned about five different times and Achilles rolled his eyes at all those. The fifth time Achilles murmured, "Wish I could make you moan like that," and of course, only Patroclus heard. He snorted before punching Achilles in the arm roughly. Achilles grinned through the pain.

Deidamia was tasked with finding drinks for the group. Achilles went to help her, because he was a nice person. Also because Patroclus moaning like a whore for pizza made him horny and also angry. He wanted to be that pizza. And then he wanted to punch himself for being envious of a food.

They walked in the garage, which housed a fridge filled with just drinks. Breisis' life was what Achilles wanted to achieve.

"Sooo how's school?" Achilles asks. Deidamia was uncomfortably close, but Achilles didn't say anything. Deidamia giggles, "Achilles! You asked that like an hour ago!"

"Oh yeahhh," Achilles remembers and then blushes at the amount of awkward mounting in his body. Deidamia trailed a dainty hand over Achilles’ bicep. Achilles forced himself not to jump back.

"You’re so cute, Achilles." Deidamia compliments and Achilles blush red in embarrassment.

"Oh, uhm, thanks I guess. You’re really pretty too," Achilles says, partly because it was true and partly because he sorta needed to say something.

Deidamia blushes, and stops in front of him. Achilles looks at her, curious as what she was doing. Deidamia glances down at his lips and Achilles’ breath stops short. Please, no.

"I knew I wasn't the only one feeling it," Deidamia says softly.

"Feel what?" Achilles asks quietly, but he already knew the answer. God no, please.

"This. Us. We have a connection. I know we do," Deidamia explains, looking at him with warm eyes and a warm smile. Achilles grinned back softly, but his eyes were sad.

"I'm sorry, Deidamia. I'm sure you're a nice girl, but-" and yeah, those were lips. Smooth and glossy and cherry scented lips. On his. Achilles’ eyes blew wide, looking at Deidamia, whose eyes were closed. He stepped back quickly, holding her shoulders in his hands.

Deidamia looked starstruck. "Uh, wha..." she trailed off. Achilles looked to be in a lot of pain.

"I'm sorry Deidamia, but I'm dating someone," Achilles sighs, and Deidamia’s eyes go wide.

"Oh! Is it Bresis? Oh my god, its Bresis, isn't it," Deidamia groans, covering her mouth with her hands.

Achilles snorts, "I would never date that woman. She would tear me apart." and then Achilles shuddered, just thinking of the idea.

"Then who..." Deidamia was interrupted by a sudden bang. And then a curse.

"Why the fuck are the lights off. What the shit Achilles?" and then the lights flick on and there's Patroclus, a bit red in the face, holding his shin, a bit of pizza sauce on the corner of his mouth. Achilles wanted to lick it off.

"Oh no, not again." and then Patroclus stomps up to Achilles and Deidamia. Deidamia watches in confusion and then horror.

Patroclus looks over at Deidamia before facing Achilles. He suddenly surges forward, cups Achilles’ face in his hands, and presses his lips to Achilles'. Achilles’ eyes close and so do Patroclus'. Then, Patroclus lets go just as fast, licking his lips before looking back at Deidamia.

"Cherry chapstick, nice. Next time, don't practice kissing on my boyfriend. Thanks." he opens the fridge, grabs two sprites, and leaves.

Achilles’ face is burning red, but his eyes are calm and hooded. He’s grinning lazily, "That’s my boyfriend."

-

**Author's Note:**

> hope ya like :)) comments and kudos are much appreciate


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